Acts of Kindness Shouldn't Be Random
Susan Zeloznicki

It's a rough world out there. Many agencies and businesses are shrinking their staffs, while still servicing the same number of people or clients. We keep being told we have to find balance in our lives. But, with demands of work, leisure and family, we may be pushing our time limits even further. Other than our sanity, what gives next? Is there enough time for kindness?

"If you were arrested for kindness, would there be enough evidence to convict you?" This anonymous quote really hits home. Are we guilty of kindness, or are we letting that fall away as we're rushing to fit in everything else? I know I strive to be kind within most parts of my life, but when a telemarketer calls about refinancing my house, I'm not so kind. In fact, I enjoy being abrupt, demanding they take me off their call list. But, I also believe that with sales, what goes around comes around. So with all other vendors, I am nice. After all, I want someone to be nice to me when I'm making the next sales call. Just not mortgage telemarketers.

What is kindness? To some people, it's being nice: Saying something good about a colleague, friend, or companion. To another person, it means giving time or money to a cause that's precious to him. By definition, to be kind means to show sympathy, concern, or understanding.

If you had to tell one story about yourself that demonstrated your capacity for kindness, would it be recent? Would it be donating your time, skills or money? Or would it be helping someone, face to face, who really needed a hand? If you're counting being nice to a family member, don't count that, it's expected. Actually, many busy professionals are less kind to their families and loved ones than to their peers or coworkers. We're all guilty of it; jumping at our spouse for not doing something he simply forgot. Or not listening to your kids because you're too tired. We've used all our kindness energy before we get home. Take two deep breaths before jumping on that person. Practice kindness with the ones who mean the most to you. Now.

Think about kindnesses that have come your way. Simple gestures, such as someone getting you coffee when you needed it or offering to bring back lunch when they were out. Or, a big gesture like someone offering to take care of you when you were sick. How much have you given back? Don't just count paybacks to those who showed you kindness; count all kindness you've shown to anyone else. If the scales are tipped away from you, look in a mirror and ask, "Is this right?" If you're happy with getting more than you give, you're okay. But only for now. Your luck will run out when you need it the most. Bank good deeds so that the scales tip toward you when you need kindness again.

There's both armchair and direct kindness. Your life will be enriched by a combination of both. There are many charities that offer both opportunities. Use your time and resources to help someone else or to help create something that will outlast your commitment.

Where can you make a difference? Maybe it's in your own backyard. Someone at work might be depressed or handling more than what's fair. They might be facing untold stress at home or with their family. You can actively try to help out, taking on a small piece of their load and helping relieve theirs. It's a start.
Maybe it's to a stranger. Share a laugh with someone while you're waiting in a bank line. Or, donate money to the homeless person you drive by every day and ignore. Look into the eyes of someone who serves you a meal, someone you'd normally take for granted, and thank them for doing a good job. Thank your coworkers and vendors, beyond getting paid. Small deliberate kindness reaps greater rewards than you can imagine. Try it.

Politics aside, Americans have a great capacity for kindness. Traditionally, we give more generously than other societies. Yet, the overall opinion of Americans in the world today is that we are selfish and consume far more than our share of the planet's bounty. Many people see us as not wanting change or unable to accept people who are different than us. How do you see yourself and how do you portray your community? If it's not what you think it should be, you can make a change. That change starts with your attitude and a willingness to take the next step.

Kindness is contagious. What we give, is returned, but not necessarily as a direct repayment. Kindness organizations are forming, but the beauty of kindness is we don't have to join one to be kind. Share a smile with a stranger. Laugh at someone's jokes. Visit an aging person and listen to their stories. Volunteer. Help your neighbors. We can be an army of kind acts, one person at a time.

Susan Zeloznicki is founder of Susan Z Communications, a full-service marketing, training and public relations firm, and Z-Com, an Internet marketing company. She can be reached at susan@z-com.com.