Do I Know You?
Susan Zeloznicki

Do we really know ourselves? This may seem like a silly topic for this publication, but knowing ourselves helps us work and play better. It can help you find a better job, the right friends, and social activities that make you feel good and relax. Without knowing yourself, you never quite fit in and you spend precious time and energy doing stuff that doesn't really mean anything to you.

Beyond that, in our work and play, we interact with others. If someone doesn't feel comfortable with us, our job might not get done or we might not have any fun.
Sometimes, we can't get an honest answer to a question. We might feel picked on for no apparent reason. We're unhappy when we should be happy, or struggling in our career when we should be gliding along. If we stop to reflect on ourselves and adjust our environment to our needs, we can make our lives better.

One thing no one can take from you is self-confidence. That confidence only comes from knowing yourself and being comfortable with that definition. Here are some steps to finding out who you are.

Let's consider how you introduce yourself to strangers. Does your intro differ when you're meeting people at or through work from the one you give in your off hours? Do you think you act differently in these situations? Which is the real you? Or, as many of us find, it's neither. We're really a lot more complex than our work and play personalities allow.

If you think you're pretty solid about who you are, try this exercise. Find the one object in your home or work environment that tells your story. What conveys the essence of you? Does this item give others any clue about the real you? Does this item give your friends, coworkers or peers some inside information about you? Or, is it just a symbol to you about your personality? You have to decide how much of your personality you can share to your work or play world. Does one aspect of your personality or interests dominate? Once you identify the object, write the story of you. Make it any length as long as it's honest.

If you can, share this story with someone close. I'll bet your confidante will still learn something about you from the story. If so, measure how uncomfortable you feel having them know more details about you. This gives you a gauge on how comfortable you might be giving your all to a relationship or a job. If you're extremely uncomfortable, you may be in the wrong place for this point in your life. Knowing yourself can give you the strength and impetus to change either you or your environment.

Don't despair if you can't find one object. Look for clues in your clothing and décor. Do you gravitate to a particular color or style? Colors have meaning in personality traits and can even be used to change your mood. They can also help welcome or deflect a colleague or potential friend. For example, blue is a very calming color. If you have a volatile personality, you can make others around you feel less riled by your presence by wearing lots of blue. By wearing blue, you might also alter your personality. Try it!

In our society, we make judgments about people based on limited information. Sometimes, it's simply the way a person looks or carries herself. If you feel good about who you are, know you're doing a good job and are honest with those around you, you should feel confidence beyond those pre-conceived notions. The image you project is the one that makes the first impression. Knowing yourself helps you stand strong in a current of uncertainty.

What people can tell about your personality or interests helps them understand you. As we are pushed to do more with each day, quick impressions may be the only chance you have to make a friend. Or, get the support of a co-worker. If you're a sports fan and you have a wrap-around for your license plate and memorabilia throughout your home and workspace, you're sending information to others. This may help instill a common ground between you and make communication easier. If you don't offer any visual or immediate cues that tell who you are, you might be making a conscious choice not to let others know or are you trying to be someone or something you're not.

I'm not saying wear your beliefs on your sleeve, I'm saying, "Know thyself." This confidence telegraphs to those around you and makes them want to like you, even if you're different from them. Beware, however, that your confidence does not turn to arrogance: You'll repel most of the people you want to attract. I hope as you look inward, you find that nicer person, the one less interested in winning than enjoying the journey. Good luck on yours!

Susan Zeloznicki is founder of Susan Z Communications, a full-service marketing, training and public relations firm, and Z-Com, an Internet marketing company. She can be reached at susan@z-com.com.